It's been a week...

Just Those Few Weeks
For just those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks,
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks...
when I lost you,
i lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams and aspirations.
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks...
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks..
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I??
You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life richer
and to give me a small glimpse of eternity.
~S. Erling


Some days are good, and some days feel like they are more than I can bear. I somehow pulled passing grades out of a class that I was failing. Studying gave me a way to think about something else. Honestly, when I saw those  exam grades, and saw that I passed- I thought "my child didn't die in vain". I think I somehow felt that if I failed, I wouldn't just be letting myself or Aaron down, but that baby too. I am glad to have a few months off of school!


I watered "Harry" today, and wondered if we would of had a boy or a girl. They probably won't be able to tell us, so we will just say "Harry", what my mother in law nicknamed the baby. When I say I watered Harry, I mean our African Violet that we bought in memory of him/her. I have also decided that, for a little while at least, I will make a conscious effort to not dwell on this, because the feelings that come along with dwelling on this loss brings me to a place that is scary and difficult. Until I can deal with this without feeling immense guilt and sadness, this will be my last blog on this subject. I want to say thank you to all of you for your support and love, hugs and thoughts and prayers. They are much appreciated! <3