A realization

Ok, the title is a little deceiving, because I didn't come to a realization. However, I do know that I have a wonderful family, here on Earth and in Heaven.  The day my grandpa died has been stamped on my memory, I remember every detail of the day when I found out- I remember the song I heard in the limo on the way to his funeral, the weather, the anger I felt at knowing he wouldn't share in the life events he promised he would.  Today, my Aunt Joyce called me "Jenny". The name he called me, and more often than that, he called me Jenny wren wren. I dunno why. It brings a sense of warmth to my heart when I think of him. He was the singular man in my life that I looked up to, the one I compare others to. I am blessed in my husband, in my children alive and sleeping, and the two who are learning how to play crazy 8's in heaven with my grandpa.

The joy my husband brings to me can be matched by no other, he understands without me saying anything, the pain my heart feels. He reminds me that even though we have been given a hard situation to deal with, there will be better days ahead. I know my grandfather wasn't perfect, no one is. But optimism was one of my favorite characteristics about him. 6 heart attacks he lived through, and still he found the joy in talking to and meeting new people. Optimism is what I love most about Aaron. While I am temporarily looking at the negatives, he sees the opportunity to learn and grow from all of this. While I see the days ahead as a struggle, he sees them as a way to improve. A chance to be doubly blessed. Once with a child who was too good to be on Earth, and hopefully once again with a child for us to love without condition.

I know comparing the two men is not exactly pleasant for most. But it is comforting for me to know that I am married to someone who loves me as greatly and as unconditionally as the man who shaped the way I view the way men should act. They say that women marry men who remind them of their fathers. I am glad I married one who reminds me of a greater man.

4/26/2012~ Aaron and I have counted down the weeks, days, and hours until today. The day we would get to see our son or daughter on the ultrasound machine. We were so excited! Imagining if he/she would have blue eyes or brown, tall or short, male, or female. Our appt was for 12:45, but the doctor didn't come in until about 1:30. She spoke with us about which meds are OK to take for allergies, what to stay away from at work, and getting clearance for Clinicals. Then she started the ultrasound. I didn't see anything on the screen, nothing that resembled a 12 week old baby.  TMI, but she decided to do an transvaginal ultrasound, which also showed nothing except the gestational sac, and the yolk sac.  She sent us over to the radiology dept, because they have better equipment than she does. They determined that the baby died at 6 weeks, 4 days. There was no heart beat. Aaron held my hand, there wasn't really much to say. I'm sorry doesn't seem appropriate, and really, there wasn't anything either of us could do to change the outcome. The choice before us is to take a medication that has a bunch of side effects to make my body miscarry, or to do a D&C.  I have another U/S scheduled for Tuesday to make sure there are no changes. I don't expect the outcome to be different than today.

                                                              April 26, 2012- Baby Hecker~ You were loved by Mommy, Daddy, Becca, Lauren, and Nicolas. <3

Big News!

A few months ago, I posted our family goals for 2012.  We've reached 2 of them!  We recently traded in the sun fire for a 2012 Mazda CX-9.  Now we have enough room for our expanding family!! We are expecting a child (duh, what else would it be?!) in late October/Early November!! We found out on Feb 29th, after multiple negative tests.  I KNEW it would be positive, the tests just didn't agree with me until 5AM on Feb 29th!  I thought I was imagining that little pink line, and sent out a few text pics to see if anyone else could see it!!

Becca, Lauren, and Nick know as well.  Lauren's name idea is peanut butter!  We won't be going with that one, but we do have a few names we really like.  We will hopefully find out the gender (if he/she cooperates) and will let you all know what we decide! The only thing the same with this pregnancy as the others, is no morning sickness!  Hooray for me!  There are several other symptoms I didn't have with the others, but I will spare you the details!  Our first Ultrasound is April 26th, and we are so excited!! It's so hard to wait!!!