Surgery

Everything I want to put in this box is too much for the public to read. I will simply say that I am very blessed to have my support system- Aaron, RLN, family,  coworkers, friends and instructors have really showed their understanding and caring. My head knows there was nothing I did wrong, or something that I didn't do, but I still feel guilty and overwhelmed. I feel guilty that our first child together will not be here in November, I feel overwhelmed with everything that has happened this semester. Mostly I feel sad. Sad that the realization came to me today, as we sat in the pre-op room that our baby would be in one of those suction canisters going to the lab in an hour or two. Sad that Aaron's first experience as a biological parent ended this way, instead of a live, healthy baby. Instead he sat and worried (and drank coffee) while I was knocked out with propofol, not really in the loop. He held my hand when I came back, and while we were waiting. He held my hand while walking to the pharmacy window, and on the way inside. He picked Nick up from day care, and got KFC (I haven't had anything to eat since 10pm). I know he was anxious and worried, and I wonder if he realizes how much I appreciate him today, and every day. I also wonder if he knows that I prayed for a different outcome, for a happy, healthy pregnancy. The doctor's words were encouraging today, even if she did hint at the possibility of being a highER risk the next time.

Thank you, to all of you who sent love and prayers via text, FB messages, phone calls and emails. They are greatly appreciated. <3 A very special thanks to Aaron, there is so much I *could* say, and none of it seems to convey what I feel. I love you xoxo