Hello, it's been a while.

Dear Friends and family,
I know it has been quite a while, but there has been a lot going on over the last several months!  Allie was born July 30 at 12:35 A.M and is such a wonderful addition to our family.  She has really grown since birth, doubling her weight and adding 7 inches in length!  Her favorite toy right now is the ceiling fan, she hates bottles of all different varieties, and she loves smiling at Nick at the table!  Her favorite time of day is bath time, she has learned to kick and splash the water and she babbles at her reflection in the mirror.

Nick is doing well in school, with the exception of his talking.  We have tried moving his seat, but this boy talks to everyone!  Today he got a blue (above green woohoo!!) for not talking and completing his homework last night.  I am not sure why completing homework gets you to blue on some days and not on others, as he completes his homework nightly.  Sometimes I think his teacher gets overwhelmed with the kids and is a little more testy… she also suffers from migraines and I wonder if this has anything to do with some of the reasons Nick is moved down on the color chart.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are right around the corner!  I cannot believe how incredibly quick this year has gone.  It has been super eventful, and I wouldn't change much of it, except the whole bed rest thing. That sort of limited our summertime fun, but at least Allie was born healthy!  We put our tree up this past week, and I know many of you thought, 'What in the world?!"  But, Becca, Lauren and Nick will be here for Thanksgiving, and with their dad for Christmas, so we will celebrate both at Thanksgiving. As we were hanging ornaments on the tree, I came across the ornament I bought in remembrance of "Henry", who would have been 1 year old this month.  Time does help heal the pain, but it's not easy to forget.  Allyson has another brother or sister she will get to meet one day, and I am very thankful for the little girl God has blessed us with in our little Allie Bear.

24 weeks!

We had our 20 week ultrasound on March 25. We got to bring Rebecca, Lauren and Nick and they got to watch Allyson on a big screen TV!  We were all very excited to see her moving around, even though I really had to pee!  My Doctor was performing an emergency C-section and was a bit late, so Aaron and the kids went out to get a few more things from the apartment. I had finally gained some sort of weight- a whole 5 pounds!  BP was fine too.  Dr came in and started off with, "Baby is measuring small, in the 7th percentile.  So at this point I am referring you to Maternal-Fetal Health for further ultrasound testing".  Ok... well that's a little bit of a shock, thanks for easing into that one! She then said that baby could just be a small baby, or that because of the Asherman's scarring- the placenta could have attached to that area and may not be giving Allyson everything she needs.  This would be called Intra-Uterine Growth Restriction (IUGR). She also said starting at 28 weeks we would have to come in for non-stress tests to make sure Allyson wasn't in any distress. And no work, oh, and bed rest!   "Ok, we got this" I thought.  So why was I in tears before I even walked out the door?!   That was not a great way to start out the week!

So I had my appt with the specialist, and Allyson had grown, just not enough to really catch up.  He decided he'd just change my due date and "that would help".  My regular OB does not agree with changing the due date because all of our previous ultrasounds have been right on target for a due date of 8/9. Specialist says with the new due date, she is now within the norm, just at the low end.  Her amniotic fluid levels were at the low end of normal at 7.3- norm is 8-18 for that age.  So, while the specialist said I could return to work, the regular OB says, nope. And we will now do weekly ultrasounds to check fluid levels and cord blood flow.

First weekly ultrasound came and I was excited to see my baby girl again! I have never had so many ultrasounds in my life, and I've had 3 kids previously! Fluid levels that day were normal, 12.6.  This past week they were back down to 8.1, with normal now being 10-18.  I am sitting pretty at almost a gallon of fluids a day already, and all they can say is keep up with your fluids!  So another ultrasound and regular appt with the OB on this coming Monday. Then a growth ultrasound on the 29th with the specialist.

IUGR isn't AS serious as some of the other issues that can happen in pregnancy, but for someone who has breezed through 3 other pregnancies with no issues, it's a little bit scary.  Her fluid levels are fluctuating in and out of normal range and she's small.  So what does this mean?  Amniotic fluid is her cushion, it helps develop muscle tone and she breathes/swallows this in preparation for life outside. If there's not enough in there, how do these reflexes grow?  There is a possibility that she could stop thriving in-utero before she is classified full term, and that has a whole other bunch of problems and obstacles.  Today marks 24 weeks, and doctors technically call her "viable".  So before this week, this baby that has been moving in my belly, has been playing with her umbilical cord at ultrasounds and waving, who gets the hiccups- wasn't "viable"?  She has all of her organs, they are functioning although not mature, but not worth trying everything to save?!  This makes me angry for some reason, even though we are on that cusp of what the doctors call "viable".

Allyson's crib is ready to go, and her dresser is in, we just have to go pick it up and hind help taking it upstairs.  I was bored the other day and decided I'd put her car seat together... It was already together in the box! I am quickly running out of things to do at home to keep me occupied, so now I wonder what I can learn to do that's new and doesn't break my order to "pretend you're a couch potato".

Before I let you go, here's a picture of our sweet girl:

Catch up!

So, it's been almost a month, and I bet you've missed me huh? Not really, most of the stuff is on Facebook.  Here's a pregnancy tidbit update-

Weight gain- 2 lbs. Wait, what?! Yep, one week away from being half way through and I have gained a hole two pounds!

Size of Allyson- about the size of a Mango.  6" from crown to rump, and about 8.5 ounces.

Movement- Yep! So exciting to feel her move, although I typically don't feel it while I am at work, she waits until I get home and start relaxing!

Craving- Yesterday I really craved Salisbury Steak with mushroom gravy and mashed potatoes.  Aaron thought about trying, but made tacos instead.   Add to this- anything cinnamon... Cinnamon gum, Red hots, Hot tamales.... My co-workers laugh at me because I come back from lunch with 2 or 3 boxes of those and they are gone in about 5 mins flat!

Morning sickness- no.  I wake up at 2AM thinking I am about to starve to death!

Next big milestone- Our anatomy Scan on March 25th.

Things we have bought so far- a few clothing items, bedding, and much of the larger items that we don't want to burden friends and family with- stroller, car seat and bases... My mom has also gotten us our pack-n-play/ bassinet combo!

18 week picture:

And it's a......

On Friday, Aaron and I went to a private ultrasound place to see whether we are going to have a new son or a new daughter.  A friend of mine helped me with a graphic for a card to be mailed out to family that live far away.  Here's the front:

Here's the inside:

All together, the poem reads- One, two, three four, these balloons will tell you more. Have two people blow them up, one will stay small, the other go up! And then, as we are sure you can guess, the larger one will tell you the sex! 

We included one blue balloon and one pink one, with one of them having holes in it so it didn't blow up. The cards and balloons went in the mail on Saturday and some of our friends and family got them Tuesday. Others got them today!  Here is a series of photos that will tell you what they found out!

That's right! We are having a GIRL!!! Allyson Jayne Hecker is due to join our family on August 9, 2013!  We are so excited!  Aaron even went out on Sunday and bought a new holster and ammo, along with a few summer outfits for her! Perfect way to start preparing for a new little girl. <3 

P.S. Others sent photos as well, and I will share them on Facebook. 

Waiting on an Egg Timer

It has been a while since the last update in October! On Oct 19th, I went in for the hysteroscopy to remove the scar tissue.  Surgery was a success, and completed in about an hour and a half.  I was put on hormones for a few weeks in order to regrow new tissue and hopefully have a cycle on my own.  I went back for a follow-up visit on Nov 8th.  All scarring was still clear, and since I really did cycle on my own, Dr. Odem gave the go ahead to start trying for a baby!

     It was really hard to wait to test, extremely hard! I even made a pact with a friend to not test until Dec 3rd, when I would be technically "late".  However, my birthday was on the 1st, and we were having people over.  So, on November 30, I decided to pee on a digital test- the only one I had left out of a pack that my friend Laura Bos sent me for my birthday!  I waited and waited for the little timer to do it's thing, but expected it to be negative because I NEVER get positives before my period is due!! I left the bathroom and put shoes on, and came back to this:

I was shocked! I had been following basal body temperatures, and fully expected to have to "try" another month! I had actually told Aaron that I thought we were out for the month!  I knew that Aaron was going to be late getting home, as he was going to the store to get my graduation gift.  So, after my initial "Oh, shit!" said to no one in particular but myself, I hopped in the car and went to the party supply store.  I bought one pink balloon, and one blue ballon.  I brought them home and tied them to Aaron's chair along with the test.  Then I sent him a text asking him to let me know when he was close to home. I can hear the door of the apartment building open because it squeaks, so I met him at the door of our apartment and told him he had to wait to come in.  I finally let him come in and he saw: 

He said, "Really?!"  He was so excited!! We went out to dinner at La Casa Mexicana to celebrate.  

December 12, I got pinned as a nurse! The kids were here and we all had a blast. My mom came in town, and since the kids were here, we celebrated Christmas a little early.  On Dec 3rd, I had blood drawn.  Hormone levels were 47, and they wanted them drawn again 48 hours later.  Levels are supposed to double every 48-72 hours, and mine only went to 74.  Which meant they would double every 73 hours.  Dr. Odem's nurse said they wanted more levels the following Monday, but to be aware that they've seen pregnancies be perfectly fine with those levels, or not go so well.  It was very hard waiting for the numbers, and was why I was always asking for prayers or thoughts.  On Monday, the nurse called to say that the number had gone up to 546, more than doubled every 48 hours!! It was still low, but she said not to start worrying yet.  We set up an ultrasound for the following Tuesday.  I was 6 weeks, and I was scared that we would get in there and not see a heart beat because either baby wasn't growing, or because it was too early. We had our ultrasound first and found this little human:

He or she was measuring perfectly at 3.5mm, WITH a heart rate of 109.  Dr. Odem said at that point we would expect between 95 and "one-oh-something".  I was on cloud nine!! He released me to see a regular OB-GYN, and I met with her this past Wednesday.  I explained to her my concern of getting farther along and then finding out baby had no heart beat, and she pulled a nifty toy! It was a hand held ultrasound machine, made by GE.  You can't hear anything on it, but as soon as she put it on my belly, I saw our baby! He/she had a great heart beat fluttering away! And looked like a little gummy bear with short little arms and legs! As of today, I am 9 weeks pregnant. We have another full ultrasound scheduled for January 28th and I can't wait to see Baby bear again!!!

So here are a few fun facts so far:

6 Weeks: Baby measured 3.5mm- about the size of a sesame seed!

9 Weeks: Baby should be 0.9 inches- the size of a green olive!

Craving: Salty foods

Morning sickness: Nope

Confessions

Stop thinking this is going to be juicy! I haven't been naughty or anything like that, at least not that I will put on here!  I do have a few things that I wanted to write about because it makes me feel better.

First, there are only 31 days of class related days until pinning! I am nervous about this for a few reasons. What if I don't pass the last 8 weeks of nursing school? What about passing that exit HESI that will cost me $45 a try after the first time? On to the bigger question- What about that NCLEX?! I am terrified to take those! From there, my mind wonders what kind of nurse I will be, where will I fit in the best? What path do I want my nursing career to take?

Second- Once I get something on my mind, it's really hard to stop thinking about it until it's over. Considering my diagnosis of Asherman's Syndrome, I wonder what I can do to help other women understand that a D&C is not their only option? How can I get that info out there, without seeming pushy? I have researched and talked about it over and over again, but it's all I can think about. Hind sight is always 20/20, but I still think to myself "I wish I hadn't trusted that doctor, why did I choose that option, why didn't she tell me there was a greater chance of this happening?" If I hadn't gotten the IUD, the lining would have been better and perhaps I wouldn't have had a D&C at all.  Perhaps we'd have a healthy baby here in the next few weeks.  My surgery is on Friday, and I question whether further surgery will be needed to repair the damage. When I do get pregnant again, will I worry incessantly over everything being OK? I don't even need to ponder that!

I want every woman to know that there are other options available, and I would be more than willing to discuss what I have learned with anyone who asks.  Here is a link to more information on Asherman's Syndrome for anyone who is curious.  If you are ever in the situation where you have to choose between a D&C and taking medications for a missed miscarriage, I really do suggest you visit this page and learn more. Ask LOTS of questions, including but not limited to: How many D&C's has that doctor performed that have lead to Asherman's Syndrome? Stick to the facts, don't ask for the doctor's opinion. Let's face it, it costs more for that doc to perform a surgical procedure than it does for them to write you a prescription.

Third- There's a little green monster who sits on my shoulder called "Jealousy" that has been showing up frequently lately. I feel tremendously guilty for feeling the way I do, and I won't put it here because I think it would be hurtful to others. Instead I will ask for prayers to help me deal with this in a constructive manner.

TMI for some

I haven't updated this in a while now. Life has been busy!  Nursing school is beginning to come to a close, with roughly 46 days of class left! I remember the beginning of nursing school- anxious to pass, thinking it would take forever to finish schol. It seems to have flown by though! Pinning is right around the corner, and so are boards!!

It has been nearly 5 months since the D&C. After the procedure, the doctor seemed hopeful that there would be no complications, we had gotten pregnant without an problems, and miscarriages are fairly common place. However, after two months with no cycle, but symptoms of having one, I began to suspect that something was not right. My doctor was insistent that I was under a lot of stress and it would come when it was ready. I kept pushing though because of the cyclic pain. She put me on provera to start a cycle, but that also failed. She finally agreed to do an ultrasound and labs to rule out hormones. However, when I went to the lab to have them drawn, there was no order, and the nurse in her office said that the doctor obviously did not want to draw hormone levels because it wasn't in the notes.  I did have an Ultrasound, and the doctor then claimed that my lining was too thin.  So more hormones were ordered, still without checking levels. These also did not work.  Meds were followed my what is called a hysterosalpingogram, where dye is injected to determine whether there is uterine scarring or blockage in fallopian tubes. This test failed, the dye wouldn't even go in. It was a very painful procedure! She claimed that typical scarring would still show on the X-ray, and since it did not, she was referring me to a reproductive endocrinologist. I was alright with that, since I had already made an appointment with an excellent R.E. in St. Louis. My OB also ordered an MRI. 4 Days after the HSG, I got a 5 day cycle, which I was (lol) excited about. Today I called her office to see if the MRI had been read yet. Her nurse said that it had not, but the radiology department claimed it had already been read and faxed to her office. The R.E. requested all lab reports, and films to be brought to his office, so I went to pick up the MRI report, which according to my OB was had not been read yet. I read the report, and they found "hypointense connection between the anterior and posterior cervical walls".  In lay terms, my cervix is covered by scar tissue- also known as Asherman's Syndrome.

I am so angry that she wouldn't listen to me in June when I called her, or again in July. Furthermore, I am very upset that she had me on medications that are NOT supposed to be given for that condition because, while it is supposed to induce a cycle- if there is scarring preventing flow, there is no where for it to go except for back into the fallopian tubes, and possibly cause endometriosis. I am mad that she did not bother to call to explain what her involvement will be in the future, explain the diagnosis and possible treatment that the R.E. may talk about, that her office LIED about the MRI being read in the first place, and hat she brushed off my concerns all this while.

I know what the recommended treatment for this syndrome is, and what some of the complications are. I do my research, and because I like medical things, I tend to obsess about the details. A surgery called a hysteroscopy is used to visualize and remove scarring. Meds and/or a balloon is used to make sure the scar tissue does not grow back. Because of where my scarring is, when/if we get pregnant again, I have a higher chance of 2nd trimester pre-term labor, issues with the placental attachment, and if endometriosis has formed- possible infertility as a whole. 70-80% live birth rate for women with Asherman's syndrome... From a woman who told me, "I was not vigorous with the D&C," and "Scarring most commonly occurs with women who have had multiple D&C's" (I have had ONE, the one she performed".  I may be a nursing student, able to comprehend some of what she says, and research what I don't understand, but I also am entitled to her time as my doctor. I am paying her for my care, her time, and her knowledge. I feel gipped.